I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
