Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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