He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I would fuck him just for his dog
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
