my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
