Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
