jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
