If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
