is wine microwaveable?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Randomize
