You're my little dorito
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
