I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
