he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm at about main and main street
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
