Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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