HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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