I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize