he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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