awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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