What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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