I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
