Where did you get a picture of my penis
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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