I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Are we still banned from the library?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize