Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my poor anus
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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