I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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