maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
