: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
