can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
