drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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