Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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