She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
