Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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