Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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