Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sacagawea was the original milf.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
