I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Come see our sink grown plant.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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