I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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