she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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