24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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