Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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