my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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