By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
