Moan for me like Helen Keller
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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