dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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