If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
