Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
