i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
