We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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