We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
