you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I sprained my soul last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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