my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
