my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
