Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
