We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
