i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
