I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
