there's paper in my vomit.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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