This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
