I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize