I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
