if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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