Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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