week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
