alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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