it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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