Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
