I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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