My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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