I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Green mimosas i think yes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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