I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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