My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
