what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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