Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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