My nipple is on Facebook.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
