Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
