my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
