i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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