On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A+ Viking dick
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