The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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