Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I did not marry a roomba.
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