He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
