He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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