Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
