am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
