Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
