and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
