apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
