You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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