so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
