Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We need to get me chipped asap
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
