The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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