my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
