What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Found the puke drawer
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
