walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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