Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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