this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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