Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
