i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
