i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
