That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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