Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize