Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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