Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So squirting runs in the family.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
