you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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