Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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