For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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