Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
