If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
