I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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