@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize