someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Screwed.edu
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize