Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
