I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just found puke in my bra..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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