She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
