We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
